I have had my share of the blues or out and out depression in the last 15 years. I suppose it has a lot to do with my husbands cancer and death. But I think it also has to do with relationships that are non-existent, those that I am trying to re-fire, and the knowledge that I have had relationships I had no business being involved in at all.
I think it is the nature of the beast to try to make things work no matter how hopeless it seems. It is like "I have started this now and I can't fail in it" Problem is we should not have even entered into it.
Without my faith I would be crying 80% of the time instead of just 40% of the time. There are people in this world that are able to make me cry just by looking at me in a certain way or saying a specific phrase. These people are button pushers. Now some don't mean to be and others seem to make it their main goal in life.
One fact in my life that I know is true is this. People have a hard time forgiving themselves for their own mistakes and their are others in this world, whether on purpose or not, who wield a sense of guilt in front us to consciously or non-consciously make depression become part of our lives.
It would nice if we could deflect it all the time but that is not possible. However it is up to us just how deep into depression we want to allow our guilt to fling us. One little trick I know is to decide that this is old junk. How long can I afford to feel this way? By the time I do this 5 to 10 minute survey I usually say to myself, "Okay I will give it an hour at the most." So I consciously sit there and 'work' at my depression. Well it takes about 10 minutes to a 1/2 hour to realize that being depressed at my age is very counter productive as I don't have a lot of time left. I certainly do not want to waste it.
Well I don't know about you but I am not crying anymore today and I feel a lot better now. I also know that I am a worthy person and one that anyone should be glad to know. However, be warned, I am much more discerning when it comes to choosing friends and the God of my understanding helps me to choose more wisely. I like to think this is because he wants my Golden Years to be happy.
Wee Few Words of Dylan the Dog
I have had a lots of naps lately. I think I just may be a senior like Ruth. I just might be napping away her time as she doesn't sleep so well. Oh well the winter is on its way but not just yet. The leaves are under foot and it has been sunny and warm the last few days and I am really enjoying it. Please canine friends out there enjoy the autumn as much as you can and don't forget to take your human on frequent walks. They do need a great deal of exercise while the weather is nice. That is it from me; Dylan the dog!